Reflection Eternal
by eloelay
Summary: A.U.: Mugen's point of view. “Just go,” she whispered, and I kinda wondered why she had to whisper like that. It made me feel so guilty. And for once, I didn’t do anything. Rating Due to Change.
1. Night Out

A/N: I have a few chapters of this done already. I'll just post them all up soon if this gets good feedback; but when you start to see the updates going dry after a long time, keep the patience. I'm horrible at that sort of thing. All the chapters are going to be relatively short like this; it's part of a long document, but I didn't want to give it all away right away. That having been said, on with it. (:

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White fingers picking at the sleeve of a well-worn tan bomber jacket, skin flushed pink, white teeth gnawing at pink lips, she looked rattled.

She sat in the passenger seat, like she got something she didn't look ready to get.

She'd always been funny like that, though.

"Just go," she whispered, and I kinda wondered why the fuck she had to whisper like that.

It made her seem so small.

It made me feel so guilty.

And for once, I didn't do shit.

We were just driving – I kinda wished Jin was here, so I wouldn't feel like I needed to do something, but he'd gone early.

It wasn't like it was a big deal – I drove her places all the time.

Well, I never really drove her any place with her sinking into the passenger seat, teary and crying, when she was feeling all vulnerable and expectant and overwhelmed and shit

Her ma must have started shit again.

Looking at her now, I got to thinking again – for like the millionth goddamn time – why the hell she didn't stick with those straight-lace nerd types she used to hang with; I got to thinking that maybe if she had, her ma wouldn't bitch so much.

Maybe if she had, I wouldn't still be alive and outta prison.

I looked at her with a question in my eyes.

She didn't look at me.

"Just go." I noticed I hadn't been moving.

"Whatever," I growled. I guessed she didn't feel like talking about it.

I flicked a knob and turned up the music and kept driving, flicking the cigarette with my thumb so the ash fell off.

It started to rain.

"Fuck."

I tossed out my cigarette and started to roll up the window, but Fuu just stared.

"Pull up the window, you dumb bitch," I muttered.

She glanced for half a second at me, and then started to roll it up, resting her forehead against the cool glass, eyes sliding shut.

We didn't talk for the rest of the trip.

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Nov. 20.2007


	2. In The Sun

A/N: chapter two up, because i can't quite help myself. besides, this is where it actually gets faintly engaging.

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I don't know how she always ends up with my shit, but she was wearing my wife beater.

It hung on her, showing just a little cleavage from those kiddie tits of hers, and slid off her shoulders a lot, and fell and bunched up at her hips.

She had these hanging earrings on, and this really long necklace, the frame pendant with some micro-mini vintage picture in it knocking against her freaking bellybutton the chain was so long – her ma gave it to her.

Her skinny jeans hugged her thin legs and her little feet stuck out of the bottoms, decked out in old-school fucking Nike Court Force Hi's – absolutely ridiculous.

She usually dresses up more girly, but it seems to me like she was in a rush – her hair was even in a half-assed I-don't-give-a-fuck ponytail.

We walked into the kegger, Fuu wrapped around my arm like some kind of kid.

She wasn't teary any longer; her eyes were still a little glazed but other than that, still all prettiness and almond shapes and dark lashes.

I motioned my head at her to follow me, even though she knows this place better than I do.

How we fell in with such a rich motherfucker, I don't know, but whatever. We jogged across the huge front courtyard and ducked into the maids' quarters – deserted, as usual.

I sent Jin a text when Fuu looked away to sit against the bare cot and stare out of the window.

"You wanna go out there or do you wanna go to Jin's?" I pulled out a cigarette and pushed it between my lips.

"Fuu," Jin called when he walked in.

She didn't turn around. "My mom is dying."

---

Nov. 20.2007


	3. Silver Morning

A/N: I'm a little excited for this. I'm going to run out of chapters soon enough, and nobody will have anything to look forward to, lol. Well, enjoy.

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Chapter 3

(Silver Morning by Nujabes)

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I don't know why I thought of it when she said that, but I did.

"You look like a mermaid."

It was the first thing she'd ever said to me, and I thought it was pretty fucking funny – looking back on it, though, of course.

I was wrapped up in a net, wiggling like crazy, and she untangled me and cooed that fairy-tale sentence like a baby.

She didn't ask why I was in a net, or why I'd been out at the beach, or why I had a bullet wound where the skin rippled along ribs.

I just said back, "Your _mom_ looks like a mermaid."

I liked that she didn't ask a lot of questions.

I didn't like that she freaked the fuck out and took me to the hospital.

She sat by me, when I was sitting up in the hospital bed, waiting to be released.

She repeated herself, "You know, you still look like a mermaid."

The knit of the bed sheets that had been tucked underneath me by the old nurse was stretched thin and looked like fishnets and my hair was still full of water and bits of ocean shit.

"_Your mom looks like a mermaid_." She repeated thoughtfully. She turned her head to me. "That wasn't a very good comeback."

She was still smiling.

"I just almost fucking drowned, fucking sue me, bitch."

Fuu only sighed, still light. "You curse a lot, you know that? You've dropped the f-bomb like five _thousand _times since I met you."

"Whatever." I pushed my head back onto the hard pillow.

"My mom could be dead for all you know," she said almost cheerfully.

I reached out my pinky into my ear, trying to dig out the water. "Is she?"

"No, but you didn't know that. You could have really hurt my feelings, and then I would have left you, and then where would you be?"

"I would be on the fucking beach. That's where the fuck I'd be."

"A simple _thank you_ would be nice," she said, eyebrow twitching.

"Suck my dick and I'll thank you."

She pointed her finger. "I saved your life!"

"I woulda lived."

No, I wouldn't have.

"No, you wouldn't have," she bit.

"Whatever."

There was a pause and she cooled off, and I spoke, scratching my tattooed forearm.

"So what _is_ your mom like?"

---

Nov.20.2007


	4. Sagaba Remix

A/N: Happy (Early) Thanksgiving, all (: I'm gonna go ahead and put up another chapter now, and probably a few more to put off studying for the bone practical . i hate bones. Yay to the gelatinous constistencies we'd have if we hadn't any bones!

And I'm sorry for all the cursing - I was proofreading the chapters I put up, and there's a lot. But in all fairness, that's how I picture Mugen, especially in present time.

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Chapter 3

(Sagaba [Remix by Blue Scholars)

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She wound up holding me, 'cause I was closer, but with Jin's arms on her shoulders, because he was better.

Parents weren't there for any good.

I hadn't had any.

So I didn't know why the hell she was all depressed and shit.

Dopey fucking woman.

She kept crying, getting my shirt all wet with snot and tears and I put my hand, big as it was, on the back of her head.

She really was so small.

Turning those big eyes up at Jin, she put her palm up against his face.

She gave him looks she didn't give me.

They both came from respectable places, and I'm a former gang member who's done pretty much everything illegal this side of Mexico, so yeah, we're different.

So I guess we _deserve_ different looks.

A tiger can't change its spots or some shit.

Whatever.

She ran her thumb across his chin, and Jin kept his cool like he always did.

I bet his chin felt smooth – mine was scratchy with short, sparse scruff that she always told me to shave.

I bet she'd much rather there be a smooth face against hers; I guess it's just generally a better feeling.

Then she leaned her face against my neck. "Mugen," she whispered, "I know you don't get it. But thank you."

---

Nov.21.2007


	5. Same Ol' Thing

A/N: Happy Thanksgiving! (:

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Chapter 5

(Same Ol' Thing by A Tribe Called Quest)

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There she goes.

Skittering across the party's surface, slipping red cups from various hands and downing them herself.

Sometimes I considered she might have some sort of thief's calling – a skill for stealing drinks from people sober enough to notice, well, now _that's_ a downright respectable gift.

Jin motioned to me. "Get her. The last thing her mother needs is to be worrying about her."

I quirked my scarred eyebrow. "Because bringing home an angry, drunk Fuu home is better?"

"However belligerent, however drunk, Fuu home is better than Fuu kicking around like a waterlogged kitten in the middle of a pool, fighting what appears to be a losing battle with the laws of buoyancy."

I was struck dumb that Mr. Haiku came up with such a vivid picture on spot, and I musta looked it, because Jin pointed behind me.

Ah, Fuu was floundering cheerfully, kicking around in the water like a wet beaver, with about ten or twenty floating red cups around her.

"So…do I go fishin' or should you?"

"Go. I think you can take care of a 100-pound girl with a drunken penchant for _falling asleep_. Be careful."

I was already taking off my t-shirt, shoes kicked off, and got a running start before soaring right in.

"Moooooooo-ghiiiin," Fuu sputtered, giggly and smiling at me, backstroking drunkenly, a fan of brown hair curling around her head, "Mugen's come to shaaaave mee."

"Save," I corrected, while putting those lifeguard lessons to use – well fuck, I had to do _something_ while Jin and Fuu were off at school, yeah? Keeping her head above the water wasn't easy, with all her kicking and squirming. "Come to _save_ you."

"Mugen's a big strong maaan," she said, hiccupping, "Yous my mermaid in shining aaarmor!"

I ducked her head under the water for just a minute, so she'd shut the fuck up.

She came back up, sputtering and coughing like a bitch. "Hullycrap, I almost drowned!"

How annoying can a 100-pound girl with a drunken pensacola-whatever for falling asleep be?

_This is how fucking annoying._

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Nov.22.2007


	6. Evening Chai

A/N: And another one's coming!

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Chapter 6

(Evening Chai by: Blue Scholars)

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She sat still fine enough, even waited while I buckled her in.

"Don't take me home. I'll throw a fit if you do."

I glanced at her from under my furrowed eyebrows.

"Why the hell not?" I growled. Regular Fuu I could deal with at my crappy little apartment, sure. Drunken, moody, emotionally-fucked Fuu? Not fun. "Not that I give a shit and a half, but your mom's not exactly healthy enough to be worrying over your ass."

"Get Jin to call her, she likes him fine."

Fuck you, Jin. You win. Always.

"Who says I want you at my fuckin' house?"

"As if you wanna be alone to meditate and ponder your deep, existen-nin-nential thoughts." She sure was fuckin' sassy when she was drunk.  
Sassy with a speech impediment, I thought, what a complete package.

"Whatever, but if you get in trouble, I ain't gonna comfort you and shit if you get to crying, okay?"

"Whatever."

She propped her small feet up on top of the glove compartment and took a catnap while I drove to the shittier part of town.

I wondered if it was really a good idea to have her at my place.

She'd been there plenty of times; but I don't know how to deal with her like this by myself. She might ask shit or something. She might get weird cravings or whatever - or was that just if she was pregnant? Whatever.

Then I got to thinking what if she was one of those psycho bitches who starts screaming and breaking shit after staying quiet for a really long time.

Not that I've got a hell of a lot worth breaking.

I'm only really scared of her trying to attack _me _or some shit. Not because I can't take her - pshh - just because...well, I don't really know the meaning of restraint.

And I wouldn't wanna hurt somebody like Fuu.

I ain't never gonna tell her, but I appreciate her sticking around. Sure, she's annoying as fuck most days, and she ain't really got big tits or anything - which means I don't like her that way - but she's kinda the only person I like having around. Jin doesn't count as a person, of course - he's a statue.

Speaking of the cunt, he'd called. I picked up the phone, hit redial and explained the situation when he picked up - he as half-way through a 'hn' and was annoyed at my interference.

"How exactly do you expect me to convince Mrs. Kasumi that her daughter's fine, alone and in the hands of a juvenile delinquent with loose morals and questionable hygiene?"

"Gee, Jin, I really do like you too," I go effeminately, "but all these compliments, really!"

"Hn."

With that, he clicked.

People say goodbye for a reason, Fish-Face, and that's because it's widely recognized as a word that means it's the end of a conversation.

"Cunt."

"Don't call Jin that," said Fuu, feet up and reclining, finger-painting hearts into the fogginess created by the pushed-away air vents.

"Who says I wasn't talking to you?"

"You always call me bitch; you always call Jin a cunt, or Fish-Face."

She gave me this "duh" look – the one that said "Jesus, Mugen, you're just as dumb as you look."

Meh, I think stupid's one of my more endearing qualities.

I gave her the finger and pulled into the apartment parking lot.

---

Nov.21.2007


	7. Rusted Guns of Milan

A/N: And I think I'm done for today. This is a long oneee.

Warning: This one is a little suggestive. But then again, if the language hasn't sent you running for the hills, I doubt this will.

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Chapter 7

(Rusted Guns of Milan by Art Brut)

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Fuu started up at me with glazed eyes when I dropped her onto the bed.

"I'm wet," she whined.

"Heh, I don't _do_ drunk chicks," I muttered.

"Psssh, y'know what I meant." She started wriggling round, pulling off her shirt, "And I'm not drunk."

That's what I think she said anyway, because I couldn't really hear, what with the shirt going up over her head and all.

"Whatever, I'll be right back. Don't kill yourself or nothing."

Pushing through the door, I grabbed a t-shirt and went to my bathroom.

I took off my shirt and wrung it out in the sink.

Tossing the shirt over the top of the shower after it had been pretty much all rung out and putting on the other, I pushed through the door.

"Mugen," Fuu whispered, sitting up, the comforter up around her front, back exposed, "Come here."

I could see smooth planes of skin, looking like paper.

I raised my scarred eyebrow, but I complied; I figured why the hell not.

I stood on her side, a dubious look on my face.

She wiggled down and flipped back the covers, pushing them off to the side.

I'd always pictured her in pink, but I have to say I'm more partial to this white.

Then again, there were blushes of pink still – her cheeks, elbows and knees, fingers and toes.

"Come on," she whispered between little poufy pink lips, skinny little fingers tugging the sleeves of my t-shirt til I was straddling her with both sets of limbs.

I stared at her – she's kinda hot from this angle – and tried not to enjoy the new skin too much, because if I'm gonna be smart about this shit, it'll be gone real soon.

Her hands started undoing the buttons of my jeans, but I just kept looking.

She really was so fucking small.

She wasn't drunk – not much anymore – and she wasn't high - well, I didn't _think_ so – and she wasn't emotionally broken - that one, maybe; she was just dumb.

Mostly, she was just dumb.

And she lay out in front of me, naked, begging for me to take her.

And man, I wanted to.

But I just…I couldn't.

"Sorry, Fuu…" I held myself up on one arm and pulled the corner of the comforter from the right, where she'd folded it off of her, to the left, where it kept her safe from me and my wandering eyes.

"Why are _you_ being noble all of a sudden?" The low whine of her voice – the one that comes out when she's drunk – sounded irritated.

I pulled my shirt down back over my head and gave her a scowl. "Shut the fuck up and go to sleep, Fuu."

She rolled over, sleek white shoulder blades peeking out suddenly over the red expanse of cotton.

"Just figures that you'd push me away when I need you."

Yap it up, you spoiled little brat. You ain't gonna break my stride.

I ain't gonna fuck her and that's final; her tits ain't big enough anyway.

"You know, it's just like you to not care. I mean, I know I'm not stacked like the girls you like. But, seriously, to just push off me like you're being _noble_ about it and I'm just this horrible little monster trying to entice you off your heaven-lit path or something?"

Meh, I'm sick of her shit and tired from rescuing her.

I'm sick and tired and fucking _done_.

I buttoned up my jeans, plopped on the edge of the bed she was sitting in – _my_ fucking bed, what kinda gentleman am I, eh? -and pulled on my all-black high tops.

"And you act like my feelings don't matter. All 'Sorry, Fuu' like you're refusing a kid! As if the fact that _I_ feel awful means nothing as long as _you_ come out being the better person, being _responsible_. Sometimes, it's okay to get drunk and want to do things just because."

"Are ya done with your little bitch-and-moan-fest?"

I had been fixing my gauged earring – still small, one of those solid black ones Fuu said I shouldn't get – when I heard her say it.

"I feel so alone," she whispered – a sound so small, so nearly fucking impossible to hear that I don't even know how I caught it.

I eyed her suspiciously over my shoulder.

No tears yet, but I think I smell 'em coming.

"Why does she have to go? Nobody loves me but her."

Now, here's the point where I underline that if I were a normal person, a functioning and decent member of society, I woulda said something.

Anything.

Shit like that, it needs something to come after it. Something _nice_.

I can't do nice shit, can't say nice shit. Looking back, I guess I coulda tried.

I guess she understood, because she rolled onto her side, sighed, and said, in a - thankfully - stronger voice, "Goodnight, Mugen."

---

Nov.22.2007


	8. Morning Tea

A/N: I can has reviews? (:

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Chapter 8

(Morning Tea by: Blue Scholars)

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"You look lovely lying wasted on the bed."

She stared dumbly through blurry eyes.

"Shuthheefeckhup."

I wiggled a pinky into my ear as if _that _was the reason I couldn't hear her.

"Sorry, didn't catch that?"

She kicked me in the chest and it kind of hurt, but I did get a look at those knockers as I went.

Maybe I'd discounted her too quickly on the kiddie-tits thing.

By the time I got back on my feet, she'd already re-wrapped up her chest and was giving me a damn dirty look.

She looked a little better than Death with an alcohol-poisoning hangover after a distinctly bad one night stand.

I'm mostly sure she only had a hangover

"Now, I ain't one to put up with shit for nothing, so what you gonna give me?" I gave her a look, hovering over her, all crooked smirks and lit cigarettes.  
"A breath mint, you behemoth. Geroffff!"

She pushed my face away with her tiny hand and yanked the bedcovers with her when she rolled off the other side.

"I've gotta go." She was pulling out my drawers for a new shirt, while my sheets were wrapped around her twig-body like a toga.

Ah…that's how she gets my shit.

"You're not gonna talk shit out, then?" I put some toothpaste on my brush.

She pulled some sweater over her head, – even though it had a zipper, dumb broad - brown hair poking in all directions for a second before tumbling down her shoulders.

And then she fell back on the bed.

"I'm tired."

"How much did you have to drink last night, Fuu?"

I hovered over her, toothbrush between my teeth and toothpaste dribbling out the side.

She glared at me, one eye screwed shut. "A little bit too much."

"A little bit? A little fucking bit?" I gave her a look. "What was that?"

Fuu gave me the Fuu-look. The one where I feel kinda like smacking her but at the same time, I kinda want to stand between her and the things that hurt.

"Sometimes, I don't get why you do all this for me. And other times, I sort of do."

She grabbed the stuff she'd shucked off last night, stared out the window for a little – it was still raining like it had yesterday, maybe a little bit harder - and walked for the door.

"Wait, what's that supposed to mean?"

She gave a half-wave, made it to the doorway and dropped like a pile of bricks.

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Nov.23.2007


	9. Juvy

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews (:

especially Cassandra - you inspired me to push a little harder to finish the chapters I've only really thought about.

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Chapter 9

(Juvy by Delinquent Habits)

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"Yo."

Fuu's mom's eyebrows shot so far up her forehead it was almost past her hairline.

Well, an eighteen year old rain-soaked ruffian with a quickly forming bruise – passed out my _ass_, she whacked me across the head so hard I couldn't see straight when I picked her up – holding your semi-unconscious daughter who was singing Boney M's "Rasputin" (badly); I can see there's kinda cause for shock.

But she didn't exactly have to give me that fuckin' look.

That look that says she don't know me and she wants me fucking gone.

She must have wondered how Fuu got to being friends with the likes of me – I shouldn't blame her if she did, hell, I do it too.

But something about her not liking me the minute she saw me, it lit a fire in me.

Like I showed up with a knife to a gunfight; like I never stood a fighting chance. The kind of feeling like the second-rate, second-place trophy had my name on it before it even began.

It's not fair, you know? Fuck, life ain't fair.

She doesn't want me getting to her daughter, turning into someone like me, who parts crowds by just the sound of me.

Something about the leper's bell – no matter where you go, no matter what you look like, if you're like me, people can hear it in your footsteps.

I know I shouldn't blame her for hating me the minute she saw me; doesn't mean I won't.

"…Mugen, I presume."

Mrs. Kasumi had that thing in her eye like she refused to trust me as far as she could throw me – supposing she could, which ain't likely.

She looked good for somebody who was dyin'; but then again, she'd only just found out about the whole cancer thing.

"Yeah," I said awkwardly. "Look, I gotta obviously get her upstairs. In your condition, you don't look exactly like you could-"

"So she's told you?"

I looked at her from under my eyebrows. "Yeah."

"Well, that should make things between you and I sufficiently awkward…"

I woulda picked my nose if I wasn't holding Fuu, who was in the middle of an out-of-tune "_Ra-Ra-Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine_."

"Whatever, old lady, can I just fucking go?"

She sighed, but I think there was a smile twitching at her mouth, but I can't be sure cause she smacked me upside the head.

She looked a lot like Fuu; hits a lot like her too.

"You should learn some manners."

Her eyebrow even twitches like Fuu's does.

"Whatever."

"Up the stairs, door to the immediate left."

"Where do you keep the aspirin?"

She quirked her eyebrow at my dripping, but sighed again. "Kitchen pantry."

Starting to cough again, she headed off to what I think was her bedroom.

She waved me up. "And don't track any mud; take off your shoes, you little hoodlum."

I kicked them off at the top of the stairs; and so what if I scraped my shoes off a little extra towards the bottom?

She started it.

---

Nov.23.2007


	10. Silver Children

A/N: And the well runs dry, my friends.

Please don't stop reviewing! As soon as I'm finished with my midterms, I'll keep working on this. It's just getting overwhelming with the bone practical and midterms . 

Sorry this isn't more interesting!

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Chapter 10

(Silver Children by Force of Nature)

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I threw Fuu down on her bed harshly, feeling more like myself - or at least the me Fuu's mom thinks I am.

Well, people are always bitching about living up to expectations, eh?

Fuu stared up at me, glassy-eyed, baby-like, and totally out of it.

"So how much did you really have last night, Fuu?" I asked, scratching the back of my head and rifling through her shit.

For a girl, Fuu was a fucking slob. Shit was all over the floor, looking like a mini mountain range, and a baby pink bra with a sunflower print laying across the top of a half-open closet door - with that door half hiding another mountain of shit.

Maybe she'd left the house drunk or something?

"I don't remember, Mugen. I only remember that around my tenth I was telling myself to stop, and I think maybe around the sixteenth I was ready to actually listen to myself."

I gave her a sideways look. For a little shit, she could hold her booze.

Maybe her depression worked as a second liver or something.

I sighed. Jesus, this broad was determined to kill me.

Bored with her sock drawer, I walked over to her.

"Do you want me to tell your ma about it?"

She gave me a tired look. "Is there any other option?"

I rubbed my scruffy chin and gave it some real, serious thought. "I ain't got nothing."

Fuu sighed softly, curling her hands underneath her chin and settling in for sleep like a kitten. "Call Jin. He knows stuff."

My nose gave an involuntary twitch.

Jin wins. Always.

Well, fuck that.

"Fuck no! I can figure something out by myself, you dumb bitch!"

Fuu snored softly. Shit, the bitch fell asleep like it was nothing.

"Yo, Fish-face?"

The pompous asshole had finally answered the other line.

"Hn?"

"Fuu's at home; she passed out again this morning. I'm with her now. What do I tell her mom?"

"She dehydrated – it's the truth, though liberally interpreted. Tell her the heat simply overtook her."

I chuckled; I admit, it wasn't the friendliest sound I'd ever made.

"What?" Jin's voice sounded edgy and suspicious.

He never did trust me alone with Fuu; he knew I could protect her, and he'd let me rescue her sorry little ass every time she was in some sort of trouble, but me alone with Fuu for a purpose that didn't involve a white horse or shining armor? No deal.

"Well?" He'd gotten antsy in the course of my silence.

"Oh, nothin'. Nothin' at all, Fish-Face." Okay, so that wasn't the most honest sound I'd ever made, either.

"Mugen, if you do not promptly admit to whatever it was that you have done to her - and I am fairly certain you have done something, considering even a brute like you could interpret what I said as a pun - I shall make sure you never have the means to do anything to any woman ever again."

Okay, okay, so what if my legs closed a little tighter to protect the little soldiers?

"Nothin', fuck, Jin, _she _came on to _me._ I'm the victim here!"

He clicked.

Hm, the fucker wants to fight? We'll fight.

---

Nov.28.2007


End file.
